Hampi
Stones
Crazy amounts of stones
Mountains of stones
Temples of stones
Houses of stones
Big stones
Small stones
Grinded stones, like sand
 
How did these stones get here?
Where they brought here by people?
Did they fall from a mountain?
But which mountain?
What happened here?
Did something break?
Something fall?
An explosion?
An earthquake?
 
So many questions
Just because of some stones

​India
 
I feel like I’m here looking for something
The question is what
Or are we all just looking for something
I guess we did when we chose to come here
To this earth
 
And will we find it
Is it our destiny?
To find what we were looking for
Or can we take paths so far of the beaten track
That we get lost
And we don’t find it
 
And then what happens?
Will we come back, and do it all over again
Until we find, what we were initially looking for
Though have forgotten along the way

In this current world, with information overflow, chats, sms, facebook; commercials on the streets, in the train, people trying to tell you what to do, we tend to put the focus too much outside of ourselves.
 
We try to find someone to blame for our moments of discomfort; we try to find someone to share our moments of happiness with. Though it is the pain, the sadness, and the discontent within ourselves that causes us to perform this irrational act. Instead of looking within us and taking responsibility for those feelings, we look around and try to pinpoint the person to blame for our misfortune. Yes, I admit that pain can at some moments be caused by external factors. But I solemnly believe that it is up to us to decide how to handle this pain, for it is our own pain, and not the one of the external factor or person. No, it is not “fair” for another person might cause you to feel pain, and he or she continues life unharmed. But at any given moment, we have two choices: crawl in our pity corner and feel sorry for ourselves while being disappointed by or even angry at the person or situation causing this feeling in the first place. OR we can look in our internal mirror and see, why this person or situation gets to us in the first place. Why we are hurt. Because OUR pain is OUR pain.
 
Actually, when I get to it, any feeling is ours to have. Nobody can feel what you feel. Therefore it is your own responsibility to take care of your internal world of feelings. The same way, you take care of our body, when you clean it, feed it, hydrate it, and keep it safe and warm.
 
I started this story thinking that maybe we got it all wrong and the question is not “Who is there to love me?” but “Who is there for me to love?”
 
This takes me to the second part. The taking care part.
 
Take care. Take care of your life, the circumstances you are in. You created them, sometimes unconscious. Yes it is hard to believe, but the choices you made let to the situation you are in, right here, right now. Whether they be good or bad, they were your choices. Be kind and gentle to yourself and don’t blame yourself for bad choices. You’re still learning. It is not about how we fall, but about how we get back up.
Take care of your body; you have only one in this life. Don’t neglect it and let other people pay for it in the future. Unfortunately, our current health system supports only the healing of illnesses, not the prevention of them. But don’t let that stop you from showing them wrong. Yes, you can do it!
And last, but definitely not least, take care of your thoughts and feeling, for they co-create everything else mentioned before, such as your circumstances and health. It is difficult to perceive the conscious and unconscious thoughts in your head all the time, but once you become more and more aware of them, you will see that it gets easier to control them instead of them controlling you. You are not a victim of your life. Vouch for your choices. Take 100% responsibility. Become what you create, and create what makes you happy.
That is true freedom!
 
Do things that make you happy. Love. Love the people around you. Your family, your friend, a stranger in the bus. Real happiness comes from the love that flows through you, within you.
 
Which brings me back to my initial question. “Who is there for me to love?”
I didn’t have to think much to realise my list is long, which made me happy and put a smile on my face.
 
You might look for another person to love you, because you think you need this other person to feel this way. But realise that another person can merely remind you of or awake the love that is already inside you. It was there all along. From the moment you were born.
 
So now think about your list. It might be difficult in the beginning. It might feel to short. Don’t worry. It can grow, every day, every hour, every minute.  You may add people you already know or new people that cross your path in the future. Remind yourself of the list every now and then, maybe when you need it or feel alone. And realise, that you are not. You are there, all the time, taking care. And so is everyone else.

People come, people go
If I see you again, how will I know
 
You moved on, and though I’m still here
I moved on too, I’ve shed my tear
 
But once awhile, an instance of time
Suddenly, you cross my mind
 
The sound of your voice, your smile, you smell
Is this just a dream, I can hardly tell
 
It feels like you’re here, here next to me
And your deep blue eyes, provide serenity
 
Meeting this love, though it’s only one way
Provides me with strength and hope everyday
 
That your heart and mine are connected through time
In ways undescribed, no words for this rhyme
 
And someday I’m sure, I’ll see eye to eye
Recognise love, the one truly mine
 
Waiting for this, an unbearable task
In your loving arms, I want to bask
 
Where my mind can find peace
And my restlessness ease
 
So hurry I ask
And despise of your mask

I have the right to be proud,
I have the right to live.
 
I have the right to breath,
I have the right to laugh.
 
I have the right to be seen,
I have the right to love.
 
I have the right to be here,
And so does everyone else.
 
Anna, December 2012

I wanna be free, wanna dance, wanna sing in a band
Wanna scream and shout it out loud
Wanna look at the world with the eyes of a child
Wanna enjoy the warmth of a sunny afternoon
Wanna be surprised by life every day again
But mostly I wanna be free…
 
Wanna wait for true love
For this one person that knows me better than I know myself, or maybe in a different way, to surprise me day after day
 
Wanna be free from the feeling of desire,
Freed from longing and waiting in the dark hours
Wanna smile at silly things, about my mistakes and make them again
 
And I wanna learn, always and every day
To be myself, know my limits and be true
To who I really am and choose what’s best
 
I wanna buy fancy things that I don’t need
Then give them away to the one who does
I wanna stay and not run from hurt
Wanna see hurtful past as bittersweet memories
 
And I wanna ask why
I want to ask you why? Why didn’t you want to love me?
Why did you make me believe that you did?
And why do I still think about you?
 
I wanna have faith, that I will feel again
Feel with all my heart, and fall
Fall hopelessly in love, without fear, but trust
Trust myself in falling, because I know I will always be there
And I could never loose myself
Only in the arms of the one who keeps me safe